Here's to Being Black, Bold, and Broke

I’m not quite sure if anyone else feels they are in this season of waiting but know you’re not alone. 

Right now I feel like I’m waiting – waiting to hear back about jobs, waiting for my return back to the US, waiting for answers, waiting for signs from the universe. Just waiting, and I’ll admit I’m not the most patient person I know thanks to my Aries moon but all this waiting is beginning to make me feel.. restless, down, and at times lonely.

See I feel the hardest part of waiting is the unknown, that the outcome you wish to know so badly is in this very moment, unclear. And though I do believe everything will work out exactly the way it’s meant to, it doesn’t make waiting any easier. 

Right now I have a not so great viewpoint on the waiting game because I’m in the thick of it. I mean I truly feel like a kid who just can’t wait any longer. And I’m holding out hope for something in this period of limbo, something to make the waiting feel like it was all worth it. 

I don’t have many positive words for others feeling like this with me but I’m trying not to get too down and out because I know at some point the answers will come. The clouds will clear and the sun will peek through. 

And what makes me feel better is knowing I’m trying my best. And I know it’s a kind of cliché parent thing to say “as long as you’re doing your best, that’s all that matters,” but it’s what I’m holding on to as I avoid getting too consumed in the waiting game. 

I believe hard work does pay off and especially with job searching, for those in a similar boat as me, it can easily feel like when will all the hours spent applying, writing cover letters, pay off pay off? Why haven’t I heard back yet? Will I ever get a job? Should I just give up? And trust me I’m like right there with you. But it’s helping me along this journey to know that what’s meant for me won’t pass me, and that’s applicable in every scenario – jobs, experiences, relationships. 

And when I get too overwhelmed by the noise of waiting, I’ve been trying to do more things that I know will cheer me up and distract me from the brain chatter of anxiety. 

One thing I picked back up, that I did often when highly anxious during my senior year, is coloring. And I know coloring can seem a bit childish at least I thought that whenever I’d find my mom doing it but it really connects you back with your inner child where you simply focus on the colors, drawing within the lines, and making something pretty at the end. If you’re super stressed or anxious, I implore you to pick up a coloring book and some Crayolas, play some music low in the background and color for 30 minutes. It’s a great reset.

Another thing I do is listen to music. I mean I’m a huge music lover and have been since I was little, in my house growing up music of all genres played at all points of the day, especially on Sundays in the morning as a sign it was time to get up and clean. 

Truly though, I’ll throw on my headphones or blare my speaker at any point of the day to help distract myself with either house music, RnB, even the Smiths because Back to the Old House and Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now are serving as my anthems at the moment. Carving some time to just play the music you love brings good vibes, a bit of dancing, and a chance to focus on the music and how it makes you feel. It’s even better if you listen and go for a walk because often we forget to go touch grass. 

Last thing I do is journaling. And I will say this as someone who used to struggle with writing my feelings down almost a year ago. Journaling through all this change and my experiences has done wonders for my mental health. Sometimes I write everyday, sometimes once a week, it varies depending on my personal need to write but if you don’t have a journal, I encourage you to get one.

It’s also great for looking back and laughing at yourself like when you had a mental breakdown about your Chick-fil-A order being wrong, or about a guy/girl, or writing down how proud of yourself you are for not giving up despite all the moments you felt like it’d be easier to do so. I look forward in 10 years, hell even 2 years when I look back and think “What was Raven crying about in March 2024?”

These are just some of the ways I help myself during this dreadful waiting game. I hope that you have at least one thing that helps you in your waiting game filled with stress and anxiety whether it be reading, a hot shower at the end of your day, music, whatever. But it’s important we take care of ourselves and I know it’s hard, but having at least one thing to be what helps keep you grounded is necessary.

To anyone in the waiting game, we’ll get the answers we want, that we need, and nothing meant for us will pass us. Waiting sucks but I do believe the results are worth the wait, just have some hope, lean on your tribe for support and extra love, and know the sun will peek through the clouds for us all.