Here's to Being Black, Bold, and Broke

I’ve officially been home for about two weeks now and as I think about my 7 month adventure in France, I can’t help but reflect on the woman I’ve become. When people ask me how my time was out there I can’t help but think of how life changing it was for me. There’s something about moving to a new place alone that really forces you to learn who you are, grow up and see how much you can handle. 

That fact only gets exacerbated when you move abroad to a place where there’s a different culture and language. From this experience, I feel it is safe to consider myself a risk taker, adventure seeker, and a certified fire sign (Sagittarius rising). The scary part about taking a risk like that is that sometimes it feels like sink or swim. Fight or flight. I remember arriving in France so excited and after a week or so of struggling to find housing, I was ready to go home. I’m forever grateful though that my instinct to swim kicked in and eventually I found my tiny studio that I’d call home. 

Not quitting led me to some great points though like traveling around Europe and France, getting my tattoos, and making a friend from Ireland who respectfully is stuck with me forever now. In that experience I had the privilege of being the brokest I hope to ever be in my life while being in France having the most memorable time.

I mean nothing is more humbling than knowing a 3 euro chicken burger could be what brings your bank account to its knees. 

Truthfully though the growth I’ve noticed in myself is remarkable. I feel more confident in myself, knowing my worth and strength, and seeing my happiness as the focus of my life. The fortunate revelation I’ve made is that I’m young and right now I should use my early twenties to do what makes me happy. And it’s funny because all that anxiety and existential doom I felt just a year ago has seemingly been put into perspective that the quote YOLO is simply not an exaggeration and now the North Star of my 20s. 

I mean I very quickly realized the world is my oyster. I can live in Chicago, New York, Barcelona, or England next if I really want to. And my options and opportunities to see the world are endless. And that’s the beauty of being young with no responsibilities of a child, partner, or home attached to my name.

I also learned the importance of trust; trust in myself, the universe, God, that everything is going to work out exactly the way it’s supposed to. That where I am is exactly where I need to be and even when the times feel uncomfortable or sad, knowing that there’s growth on the other side of that which will benefit me greatly, gives me the space to trust. 

My sense of style, which before I was a fierce Shein warrior, has now greatly improved and though I wouldn’t consider myself a style icon, I believe I am headed in the right direction. Europe is truly the place to do shopping and even when I pulled my account into the negative for a pair of shoes or a jacket, every cent, available or not, was indeed worth it. 

I now have pieces that I can’t imagine not having and I feel more creative to play with my style wearing truly whatever I please. So to my readers having the mindset of money will always come back to you is absolutely necessary when in Europe so you don’t leave haunted by the wish that you had bought that bag or those shoes. Because the truth is it will.

My sense of style is not the only place I feel at will to be creative now. My passion for writing blossomed while I was abroad. I’ve come back and decided to get into ceramics with a list full of things to make, and my wee cloud trinket dish as the first of many things made. My love for house music has grown exponentially and I’m excited to take up the side hobby of DJing and song producing.  

There’s something so powerful and necessary in your early 20s about being away from what you’ve always known, pushing yourself and finding out who you are at your core. What do I like and don’t like? What are my hobbies and interests? Where’s a place I’ve always wanted to go? Where do I see myself in a year, 5 years, hell even 10? Who do I want to be? 

And by being away you get to answer some of those questions while learning that the answers may change in a few weeks or months but the possibilities are endless and that’s scary but still really exciting. 

Right now if you were to ask me what’s next, I’d tell you it’s to save my money and prepare for the next adventure in a year, and that’d be true. But in a few months who knows how that answer may change and that’s okay too. All I know is I have some time, time to figure all those things out and more, time to have experiences, time to laugh until I can’t breathe amongst my girlfriends, time to dance all night long in someone’s club, time to find myself over and over again and each time grow more confident.

And I believe that these realizations are probably the best gift France could’ve given me. So thank you France and toujours vouz avez une partie du mon coeur. Ce n’est pas au revoir, mais à bientôt!