Here's to Being Black, Bold, and Broke

It has been quite some time since my last post back in October… To put it frankly, between my job and the seasonal depression, your girl barely made it out of 2024 alive. Work became so consuming that I lost touch with all my hobbies; no writing, no poetry, no pottery, no fun. WOMP WOMP. I knew coming into 2025 something had to change. So I quit my job (with the respective two-week notice).

Honestly, it was a decision I had been going back and forth about since December. The urge became more pertinent once I hit my six months and the rose-colored glasses of working on the front lines of such a social issue as homelessness started to turn black with all the pollution of political games in the workplace, egos, and lack of care for the community being served. Every workplace has its flaws and room for improvement but once I realized the “nonprofit” organization I was working for was functioning as a chaotic good corporation, I felt the voice telling me to leave get louder.  

And though the mission of the organization was great, offering a lot of programs and opportunities for those in need within the city, the water was being poisoned with self-indulged egos that don’t actually work to serve the community but instead themselves, their job titles, and pockets. By the beginning of January, I had been there for 7 months but it truly felt like I was barely surviving my personal Seven Years War. 

The biggest takeaway I got from that job was working within the community and how well I did with clients. When I first started I was scared and vividly remember driving to the location I’d be working out of and seeing someone on the steps smoking crack. I thought to myself “How am I going to do this? How will these clients take to me as a suburban Black girl who’s all doe-eyed and essentially clueless on street life and dynamics?” I had just finished teaching kids in France the basics like numbers and colors, I didn’t know if I was ready for such a shift in dealing with adults and families in crisis with nowhere to sleep for the night. 

Pleasantly and surprisingly, clients took to me well and during my time there I only had one or two incidents where things escalated with clients. Clients would sit in my chair from varying walks of life, sharing their past, present, and wants for the future, and with everyone I tried my best to connect with and assist. The job taught me the importance of empathy, understanding, and advocating for every client no matter their situation. I got to become extremely active in the community building strong relationships with many of my clients, memorizing their faces and names. 

Honestly leaving the clients was the hardest part of saying goodbye, where many found comfort with me, I felt I was abandoning them, and that hurt the most. I’d have clients tell me frequently “You’re the only one here who cares. We see your heart. Thank you for always going so hard for us.” And for them I really did, because the reality was, I had a house to go home to thankfully, with food in the fridge, and heat running through, and that is truly a blessing. Doing everything I could for my clients just felt obligatory, though I realized not everyone I worked with felt the same. I prided myself on the fact that whenever someone sat in my chair they were taken care of, and told that verbatim by me. 

Leaving was hard but ultimately something I knew I had to do. The quote that constantly came to mind and guided me in my decision was, “If you get on the wrong train, immediately you realize it, get off at the next nearest station. The longer it takes you to get off, the more expensive the return trip will be.” I knew I had been on the train too long especially once my glasses turned from rose to black, and it became abundantly clear it was time to get off.

This is the first time in my life since starting work at 14 years old that I’ve not had something else lined up as a transition between jobs. And trust me, I’m scared, especially in this current political and economic crisis we’re going through. But I’m trusting God and the universe that when the timing is right, the right job will come and all I can hope is that my next work environment is healthier. 

Since quitting, I just got back from an incredibly relaxing vacation in Miami visiting one of my best friends Yasmin. I had honestly the best and meatiest lobster roll of my life from Gramp’s Getaway. We binged the Netflix show, Apple Cider Vinegar, about Belle Gibson, an Australian influencer back in 2013-2015 who faked having stage 4 brain cancer. Watching her life and the downfall play out was addicting for us to watch. My final day was the perfect beach day filled with sun, ocean, and hotdogs. Shoutout to Dogmas for the best dog and onion rings in Miami.

In the meantime, while awaiting my next job, I’m taking the time to fall back into my hobbies hence this post, my poetry, and potentially DJing once this tax return hits okay. I’m taking this time to be slower in my life, deepen my passions, and enjoy things again. Expect some fashion and poetry in the coming posts.

Thanks for staying on this journey with me, and if you’re new, Bienvenue! Check out my TikTok(@razdazray) and Instagram(@rt.nels) to catch more content there too. And click subscribe so you can be notified when I post.